Yo Gabba Gabba

I know many of you have been waiting with baited breath for the next installment of Kids Show Round Up! So here we go!

Long time friend of the site Tom (Melvin Hertz) Pearce has a very strong opinion that Yo Gabba Gabba! should be the next one on my list. I defer to his judgment.

Now I am not going in to this show totally blind like all of the others so far. Not that I know much, I will say though that Tom had me watch some YouTube video about a song or something. I think it’s linked somewhere in a previous comment. I don’t know. Anyways I watched that, but obviously I don’t remember much about it. I do remember it was a bit painful.

Note that since I am not drinking any alcohol in the entire month of February, I will be doing this review stone cold sober. I don’t know if this will impair my ability, but we shall find out together.

Ok, enough set up, today’s episode is from 2007, it aired Monday 1-7 at 11:30am on Nickelodeon. I have been holding on to it for a little bit obviously, ah the magic of DVR. Today’s episode is called, “Scary”. Learning how to be brave and accept new things. Songs include “Don’t be afraid” and “Try it, You’ll like it.” Well those songs titles seem to make sense. Oddly enough, ‘Try it, you’ll like it’ is also a motto I’ve been using on the ladies since 1996. Hmm, probably not the same sphere of thought though.

Let’s get started, shall we?

It starts with the knowledge that we’re having a play date! Huzzah, maybe this is like my mantra after all, hmm, maybe not. Well, hopefully not.

We start with an Urkle looking dude in an orange suit of sorts.

Oh…My…God

he opened a box from hell and a bunch of monsters popped out and started dancing. I may be in hell.

Urkle wants to know if I have ever been scared, this has an answer which is an emphatic YES! The moment I started watching Yo Gabba Gabba! comes to mind.

Now we are on some planet. One monster is scared, The Pikmin monster insists he shouldn’t be afraid cause she is there. I would crap myself with fear if she was next to me singing. Wow, another monster is afraid and running up to her, they are all scared, but nothing is going on, more proof that they come from the box of hell.

You know, if we are going to do this up right, I need names for these monsters; we got Cyclops, Pikmin, Robot, Green Devil, and Other One. sounds like a plan. I’d like to believe that it’s obvious which one is which, if you are confused, I will be more than happy to ignore you.

Hi Audrey! You are dancing, you like to dance, I know this cause you just told me. Well maybe you are not so much dancing as jumping up and down arhythmically. I don’t think the Russian ballet will be calling anytime soon Audrey.

Now I’m tripping on acid apparently. It’s a trance song with with melting hands, bright colors, and shapes blurring into each other. Holy crap, I think someone spiked my soda. Do kids really watch this? Grooming the Dead Heads of tomorrow it’s Yo Gabba Gabba!

Now a cowboy kid is riding a green horse. Now he is gone, that was pointless, and now my head hurts.

Now Cyclops is screaming a song about how he likes bugs. Wesley Willis had more musicality. Other One is scared of bugs, I am too, I like Other One, for we share common opinions. Now while singing Cyclops has turned around and I can see a HUGE visible zipper on his back. Thank God kids are dumb, says the Nick Jr. program director.

Seriously, how do I not have a job as a writer somewhere? Someone got paid to write this song;
What’s that
Thats a ladybug
What’s that
That’s a ladybug,
What’s that
That’s a ladybug, and ladybugs can fly!!
They fly like ladybugs
They fly like ladybugs
They fly up to the sky.

The terror is gripping me. Oh no, Other One has changed her opinion through song. We no longer have shared opinions, Other One does not get me anymore, I shall have to move on.

Cyclops wants to play pretend. I want to pretend that I am not watching this anymore. He’s an astronaut! Yay, we’re all astronauts! Let’s trace around the outside of Cyclops til he is wearing a space suit, yippie!

8 bit animated heaven segment follows as in the graphics of original Nintendo. A little girl drives a car across a desktop and jumps it off of a pencil ramp. Now it’s over. What the hell is this show? The cracked out dreams of Amy Winehouse?

Back with the game. It’s dancy dance time! Oh boy! Who is our dancy dance friend today? Leslie! Oh my, Leslie is like that weird lunch lady who tried to be cool with you, but just was not. Leslie is teaching kids how to use jazz hands. Leslie is the devil. She morphed 5 kids in with her, and now they do the glitter (jazz) hands dance. Leslie is working on a front butt, she needs to dance more I think to prevent that from taking full effect. If I met Leslie out of character I’d probably find her secretly hot, like a chick that is all made up funky, but when she washes the makeup off and gets out of costume you discover that she’s really hot under all that stuff—what the hell is wrong with me??!?! I need a drink.

Hello Mark the semi-retarded artist! He’s going to draw a cat. Mark’s shirt would cause an epileptic to seizure. Red and yellow dots? Paired with lime green glasses? Somebody in the costume department went color blind again! “What’s are you talking about, I put him in the gray shirt again!” Bye Mark, that was actually a nice drawing of a cat, I would draw worse, I have poor drawing talent, I think I mock Mark because deep down I am jealous of him.

More 8 bit animation fun, now it’s over, these are short scenes, and they hurt my brain.

Snack time! Yay! What do demons from hell eat? Cantaloupe and crackers apparently. It’s avocado too! The other demons don’t want to eat a whole slice of plain avocado, I do not blame them. Hmm, if only there was an entertaining way to convince them. Now they sing about it, of course!!! Wait, they like it? Seriously? Avocado? They like it to the point of song? Try giving any kid a slice of avocado, i guarantee they don’t sing right afterwards, I mean, I wouldn’t. I’m ready for this song to end now. Please.
We like it
We like it
We tried it and now we like it!

Hi Maddie! You dance too huh? Well, keep up the dreams girl.

Cool Tricks! Adam has a cool trick he can play music with his hands! Really? Is that cool now a days? Maybe I’m old. Twinkle Twinkle Little Star? What Adam you don’t know Freebird? No way that is real, they piped in the sounds, no doubt. Adam gives a fist pump after his ‘success’, I pity Adam.

Kid on a train!

This Urkle guy is scary. Oh no Green Devil dropped his bread! Now it’s talking to him! Wait it’s talking? You gotta sweep up more man. It’s not just talking, under a microscope the germs on it are singing!
We are the tiny ugly germs
We are the tiny ugly germs!
Best…song…ever! Can I get a ring tone of that song? Oh man that would rule. Look, if you drop food and when you pick it up it says anything to you at all, just throw it away, eating it is NOT an option. Urkle is by the way the hand of God, so he gives more bread to Green Devil.

If Urkle had a threesome with Huggybear and Tron, and that torrid romance spawned a child, he’d be this guy. Now he wants to do the big bounce dance. Which consists of jumping left and right. Oh man, I bet that guy gets laid all the time. I need my own show.

Pikmin wants to play a game. She wants to play match the objects. Sure, I’m game for that. This is a purple triangle(!!!) let’s find the other purple triangle! What the hell, after Tinky Winky are we really doing this? Seriously? Someone at Nick Jr. needs to hit rehab quickly before it consumes him. That green square is for sure not the purple triangle. Purple circle is NOT IT either! YES YES YES that purple triangle is for sure a purple triangle! My perfect record in match the objects stays intact.

Now a kid walks with a toy dinosaur. For real kids shows should not be this cracked out. This program makes the Banana Splits Show look like a bag of oregano.

Urkle breaks it down, SNAP!!!

We are only 20 minutes in and they are musically recapping the whole show, not that I am complaining about drawing near the end mind you. Oh man, maybe I get to hear the germs song again! Oh crap, I forgot about the bugs song, but here it is again, I have a really pounding headache at this point. Wow, 20 minutes of show and then 10 minutes of recap? That is a winning formula for lazy writers, I’ll have to try that in my next sketch show I do. Hmm, I am convinced that these dance videos of these kids are purely for blackmail purposes later in life. Yeah booty, WE ARE THE TINY UGLY GERMS!!! Those guys rule all.

Bye Yo Gabba Gabba! Have a good time back in hell! And hell is a boombox carried by an orange Urkle by the way, I have learned that today.

Now it’s over. A Dora the explorer ad is on, and it’s another play date! Hmm, maybe I should try dating chicks with kids from now on, play dates sound hot. Ha ha just kidding I hate kids!

So in conclusion I would have to say that this show is quite painful. I also think that watching this show could cause your kids to develop ADD. Fast paced non sensical cutting around, songs that cause my ears to bleed, and characters with all the development of a fresh Polaroid. If you have kids, I highly recommend you be a responsible parent and try to keep them away from this show for the benefit of your own sanity.

-Ray

PS. Of course if you have any suggestions of current kids shows you think need an on the spot critical review, just send ‘em along, I take requests!

3 Responses to “Yo Gabba Gabba”

  1. mojomayan Says:

    “Mark the semi-retarded artist” is Mark Mothersbaugh from Devo. He also wrote the really cool music for The Life Acquatic with Steve Zissou and many others: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mark_Mothersbaugh.

  2. zphoenix Says:

    Mark is a semi-retarded artist, lol.

    Awesome review on Yo Gabba Gabba! I laughed so freakin hard reading this because it really is true, I always end up with a bad headache after that show comes on. As a parent of a small child, I am forced to endure horrible shows but I do believe Yo Gabba Gabba takes the cake. I discourage it as much as possible but when I watch other children, it always gets turned on and every child I have seen absolutely loves that show!! Personally, I think the writers need to stop drinking the bong water.

  3. dieseltech_25 Says:

    hey zphoenix, last i checked the kids didn’t buy the TV or pay for cable, so if you don’t want to watch it and they do, tough shit! change it to something a little less retarded.

Leave a Reply

You must be logged in to post a comment.